There's a fine line that separates what we feel is our responsibility to let Sydney know how blessed she is, how God has used her life to work an awesome miracle and letting the circumstances surrounding her prematurity be the thing that defines her. There are days when I'm just so tired of keeping up with doctor's appointments and the all encompassing nature of caring for her and I start to think how hard my life is. Then I walk into the rehab center and see a 9 year old who cannot communicate and can only walk with the help of an adult supporting her. She cannot even use a cane. This is not to say that the fact that someone's situation seems worse than mine makes my life easier but really, we are outrageously blessed. She is a living testimony of God's goodness, not a victim of her circumstances.
I think back to the long dark days of severe reflux and non-stop gagging and puke and I cannot believe that we're finally seeing the light at the end of that tunnel. Back then I thought I was destined to always be covered in puke and yet things were getting better every day, right before our very eyes. Isn't that how life is? When you're enduring your own personal hell, it seems impossible that it will ever be better and then one day...redemption, resurrection, healing, joy.
Up until last week, Sydney could not even eat a whole pea without gagging and sometimes puking and we still had to mash everything she eats. She eats Gerber Puffs but Cheerios were too hard for her and I admit, it was the most frustrating thing I was dealing with and sometimes I felt so overwhelmed. I would get frustrated, she would get frustrated and the cycle would go on. Then one day, the still, quiet voice of the Lord told me to just chill, relax, let it go - He's in control. So, whenever she gagged I would remain really calm, hold her hand, look her in the eyes and gently tell her it's ok and just talked her through it until she was distracted enough to swallow. Sometimes I would blow in her face or give her a kiss but never freak out as I was prone to do. The most amazing thing has happened...my child no longer gags and she now stuffs Cheerios down her throat by the handful. I could cry right.now. just thinking about it. I stopped trying to fix it myself and God took over because I was no longer at the wheel. After months of frustration, the solution all along was to let go and let God.
No matter what you're going through never stop believing that it can get better and know sometimes all you need to do is chill...relax...let it go.
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble but take heart! I have overcome the world." - John 16:33
3 comments:
Good job Mom!!! Everything in life would be so much easier if we would let go and let God...even as I sit here there are areas in my life that I try to control. Sometimes it's the simplest of requests from God that are the hardest, don't murder someone..."okay no problem!", don't worry or be anxious "okay, as long as all is well!" Great post and your sweet baby girl is turning into quite the beautiful toddler!
:hug: I'm so glad to have read this post.
You are an amazing woman and mommy.
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