I worried about having a daughter...

Long before I ever got pregnant, I feared having a daughter. That seems strange since I have only sisters and well, I'm a girl. I just think life can be harder and much more complicated for girls. My husband begs to differ but what does he know? Growing up isn't easy for anyone but so many insecurities and fears seem so much more acute in girls... the social anxiety, the pressure to look, be, speak a certain way.

Lately she's been emulating me. She wants to sweep when I sweep. She brushes her hair when I do mine. She looks at me in awe when I get my hair done or wear makeup. She's fascinated by nail polish and sparkly things. I put her swim suit on her and she twirled and danced and was so happy in it. I've been more and more conscious of how vital my role is in her development and how she values herself. Of course we need to make healthy choices and I'm working to show her that but I also want her to love herself and know her worth regardless of how she thinks she looks on any given day. I want her to know God loves her with a pure and true love and she doesn't have to settle for anything less.

I heard this song recently and it gave me chills. I sing the chorus to her every single day now.

More Beautiful You

Recorded by: Jonny Diaz

Lyrics

LITTLE GIRL FOURTEEN FLIPPING THROUGH A MAGAZINE
SAYS SHE WANTS TO LOOK THAT WAY
BUT HER HAIR ISN’T STRAIGHT HER BODY ISN’T FAKE
AND SHE’S ALWAYS FELT OVERWEIGHT

WELL LITTLE GIRL FOURTEEN I WISH THAT YOU COULD SEE
THAT BEAUTY IS WITHIN YOUR HEART
AND YOU WERE MADE WITH SUCH CARE YOUR SKIN YOUR BODY AND YOUR HAIR
ARE PERFECT JUST THE WAY THEY ARE

THERE COULD NEVER BE A MORE BEAUTIFUL YOU
DON’T BUY THE LIES, DISGUISES AND HOOPS THEY MAKE YOU JUMP THROUGH
YOU WERE MADE TO FILL A PURPOSE THAT ONLY YOU COULD DO
SO THERE COULD NEVER BE, A MORE BEAUTIFUL YOU

LITTLE GIRL TWENTY-ONE THE THINGS THAT YOU’VE ALREADY DONE
ANYTHING TO GET AHEAD
AND YOU SAY YOU’VE GOT A MAN BUT HE’S GOT ANOTHER PLAN
ONLY WANTS WHAT YOU WILL DO INSTEAD

WELL LITTLE GIRL TWENTY-ONE YOU NEVER THOUGHT THAT THIS WOULD COME
YOU STARVE YOURSELF TO PLAY THE PART
BUT I CAN PROMISE YOU THERE’S A MAN WHOSE LOVE IS TRUE
AND HE’LL TREAT YOU LIKE THE JEWEL YOU ARE

SO TURN AROUND YOU’RE NOT TOO FAR
TO BACK AWAY, BE WHOYOU ARE
TO CHANGE YOUR PATH, GO ANOTHER WAY
IT’S NOT TOO LATE YOU CAN BE SAVED
IF YOU FEEL DEPRESSED WITH PAST REGRETS
THE SHAMEFUL NIGHTS, HOPE TO FORGETS
CAN DISAPPEAR, THEY CAN ALL BE WASHED AWAY
BY THE ONE WHO’S STRONG CAN RIGHT YOUR WRONGS
CAN RID YOUR FEARS DRY ALL YOUR TEARS
AND CHANGE THE WAY YOU LOOK AT THIS BIG WORLD
HE WILL TAKE YOUR DARK DISTORTED VIEW
AND WITH HIS LIGHT HE WILL SHOW YOU TRUTH
AND AGAIN YOU’LL SEE THROUGH THE EYES OF A LITTLE GIRL

It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A!

First of all, let's just pretend that it hasn't been a month since I posted. Deal?

Ok.

As part of our plan to start doing more stuff, Syd and I have been going to the Y daily for about 2 weeks. I get to workout and she gets to spend 1.5 hours with other kids and caregivers at no additional cost. This is amazing because the Y is so much less expensive than other gyms and the child care is not just about them sitting the kids in a room for the whole time. They read stories, they dance, they sing, they play with developmental toys, they learn letters and numbers, play with play-doh. The care-givers are all either trained teachers or nurses and are really good with the kids. It's pretty much, awesome. Plus, the interaction with other kids is good for her.

The first day, I left the area before she noticed. She cried a little but then settled down and had fun the rest of the time. I kept looking at her from the exercise room and was very happy with how she was doing. There was one point where she was playing with a toy and a boy, who had to be about 4, snatched it from her.

She punched him square in the face. *blank stare*

He gave it back to her.

I guess we can skip the, "Don't let anyone bully you" talk for now.

Day 2 did.not.go.well. She wailed the second we walked in the door and after15 minutes, they came to get me because she was completely inconsolable. I hung out with her in the room and interacted with the teachers myself so she could see that they were harmless. Day Three, we got in the door and she turned around and ran right back out. I handed her over, kicking and screaming but she settled down with only occasional outburts. Day 4 she cried for 10 minutes and was done. Day 5 she whined but didn't cry at all and had tons of fun. Yay! It's been smooth sailing ever since.

Besides that, everything is good with her. Her separation anxiety has morphed into this need to have both Brian and myself in the same room with her at all times. If he's home and she hears him downstairs, she stands at the top of the stairs and cries out to him until he comes up. If I leave the room, she cries until I come back. It's cute but it makes it hard to get stuff done. Of course we could just do what we need to do but that pathetic, whiny cry of, "Mamamamamamamamaaaaaaaaaaaaa" is hard to ignore.

These pictures were taken randomly over the last few weeks:

She likes turning every object into a hat. Most times, she insists we wear it too
The Pepsi Generation

What, you don't get this excited to go to the grocery store?